Thursday, February 7, 2013

Turning Loose

Brandon and I wrestled with a very hard decsion for over a year. I LOVED my job at our church. If I was going to have a job outside of our home, it was certainly the one to have. Perhaps, that is why we tried to make it work for so long.
{a card from my goodbye party night}


Serving the children and families at our church was never just a job for me. I volunteered with the children upon joining our church over 9 years ago before it was my job. As time went on, I volunteered in larger capacities. The children's ministry director prior to me, stepped down. I eventually took on her job as the interim. This interim position led to a full time position for me. I held the full time position for 2.5 years before going part time prior to bringing the twins home. I was on staff for 4 years loving and serving the families and children there.
 Over the last year, it was very obvious to me that what I was able to give to my job and our church did not to compare to what I had been able to do in the past. I was pulled in too many different directions. Brandon's job was needing more of him as he began working Monday-Friday 7-6(or later) and on Saturdays somtimes long days sometimes short, On Sundays we served together at church. 3 kids. 2 different school schedules. 6 hours of therapies a week for Greer. Doctors appointments. Babysitting fees outside of preschool added to preschool tuition was almost as much as I was making at the church. I was constantly fielding school activities, sitters, therapists, sick kids, office hours, church volunteers and driving ALL over tarnation every single day of the week.
I wanted better for my family. I wanted better for our church.
 Late last year Greer's amazing sitter moved. She loved him. She didn't just take care of him. That was my breaking point. I could not keep the juggling act up. Brandon and I prayed about it and discussed but we both agreed that this was the last straw.
 Early October of last year, I let my pastor know that I was going to have to step down. I told him my reasons, although I am sure he didn't need to hear what he already knew. The church and our pastor was beyond accomdating and supportive as we transitioned from a family of 2 to 3 and then 5. I am sure most everyone was waiting for this "shoe to drop." Actually, I know many were. A few have told me so :)
My last day as the children's ministry director was the end of January. I can't say it's been easy to let go. It absolutely has not. I have had a few months to anticipate it and the idea of letting go got harder as time went on. There is most certainly something to a 2 week notice and leaving a job after that. But again, this just isn't/wasn't a job to me.
I have never been one to sit and receive at church. My love, passion, and calling revolves around children. I have committed to directing our inner city ministry on Tuesday nights and have been doing so for a few months. This way, I am able to let the new leadership at the church do their thing and I am still able to do what I love in a small capacity. This still leaves me with a huge void when I walk into the church on Sundays and Wednesdays. I'm seriously going to be just dropping my kids off in the children's wing and walking out. A sweet friend of mine referred to this time as a season of "turning loose." I am not sure I knew how tight a grip this beautiful ministry had on me. I am trusting that the Lord will tenderly lead me through this time.
It's time to focus on loving and serving these 4 to the best of my ability for a season. No more leftovers...
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
     a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
What do workers gain from their toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.  He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11


E said...

A decision you will never regret. Praying for you!!

Liz said...

Beautiful post, April. I'm so proud of you.